“And I’ll form the head!”

I haven’t posted to this journal in quite a while. The main reason being I don’t know where I want it to go. I don’t know how what I want this journal to be about. It isn’t like there are not things going on in this world to discuss. People are still using nooses as tree ornaments, people are still being persecuted for not being Christian, life is generally sucking all over the planet…why go on and on talking about it to no end. All the online journal writing in the world isn’t going to change that. And while all opinions matter (including my own), I just don’t feel compelled to share all my thoughts and what is going on in the world.  That is probably because I get caught in my own thoughts alot. I am very much stuck in my own head, especially around this time of year: around my birthday.

Whenever I think of my birthday, I just want to hurt myself. Badly. How could you spend your whole life working hard towards a goal and then not have a damn thing to show for it? At this point in my life I wonder why even go on. I’m trying to avoid alcohol as it will only make my depression worse. It. just. hurts.

If I had one wish, it be able to start over. Just pick up, move, and start over. All fresh, all new. A chance to be someone different. Someone better.

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