Archive for Life

Like a used pin cushion

One side of my torso looks like a used pin cushion. I can’t even figure out how most of those marks got there.  They were not bug bites, some were scratches (that I don’t recall inflicting on myself). I just don’t know. I have three similar marks on my left arm. I think they are caused by hairs. Except the giant scar on my back, that was from a needle…where I had spinal fluid removed (for testing)..several years ago. I don’t know what happened to make that entry point (which had healed) open up.  It is very depressing. I did see a dermatologist who told me that sometimes things like that happen and there was nothing he could do.  What the hell kinda bullshit is that??? So, I am on my own.

I am so frustrated by my lack of goodlooks….more on that later

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“And I’ll form the head!”

I haven’t posted to this journal in quite a while. The main reason being I don’t know where I want it to go. I don’t know how what I want this journal to be about. It isn’t like there are not things going on in this world to discuss. People are still using nooses as tree ornaments, people are still being persecuted for not being Christian, life is generally sucking all over the planet…why go on and on talking about it to no end. All the online journal writing in the world isn’t going to change that. And while all opinions matter (including my own), I just don’t feel compelled to share all my thoughts and what is going on in the world.  That is probably because I get caught in my own thoughts alot. I am very much stuck in my own head, especially around this time of year: around my birthday.

Whenever I think of my birthday, I just want to hurt myself. Badly. How could you spend your whole life working hard towards a goal and then not have a damn thing to show for it? At this point in my life I wonder why even go on. I’m trying to avoid alcohol as it will only make my depression worse. It. just. hurts.

If I had one wish, it be able to start over. Just pick up, move, and start over. All fresh, all new. A chance to be someone different. Someone better.

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What Happens in Jena, Stays in Jena (Not!)

I wanted to put in my two cents about the Jena 6.

I have been following the case of the Jena 6 for several months. Tonight, CNN will be airing a special about the Jena 6, the town of Jena, and it’s people.

From what I have read and heard, the majority of people in Jena do not believe race is problem or issue in their town. However, the majority of people in Jena happen to be Caucasian. Ask anyone who is African American in Jena, La. and they will tell you “yeah, race is problem. Race is an issue.” Not that the Caucasian sentiment that racism is in the past is all that surprising. It something most white folks block from their vision.

The fact of the matter is, the situation in Jena would not have gotten to where it is now if the community addressed the nooses in the tree directly. They could have held an assembly and town hall meeting to discuss the ugliness those nooses represented. The parents of the boys who hung the nooses could have spoken with the students about how they have brought shame to this small town and had them issues apologies. What happens instead? The nooses are brushed off as a joke. The black kids do a sit in protest around the tree. The DA holds an assembly with the protesting students and says, “See this pen in my hand? I can end your lives with the stroke of a pen.” Some white kids beat up a black student and no charges are filed (or none that I have heard). A white kids pulls a shotgun out on some black students at a mini mart. The black kids disarm the white student and run, the black kids are charged with theft. And then a group of black kids beat up a white student and it is attempted murder??? When the white student was well enough to go to some school shindig??? Seriously..

The DA said that people are forgetting about the innocent victim in all this and the harm done to him. Everytime I hear “Jena 6” I think about that boy the beat up. But you see, we are not arguing whether or not a fight took place. We are arguing do the charges and punishment fit the crime.

“It is the outsiders bringing this here.”

This is statement I heard time and again from the white residents of Jena. Here is a newsflash for those folks: Outsiders did not hang nooses in the courtyard. Outsiders did not ignore the crimes of one set of people only to over charge another group of people. YOUR community did this. YOUR complacency in the matter did this. To be fair, there were those who did try to do the right thing, but when your own DA has his own agenda, well that is when the “outsiders” come in.

Here are some wonderful links about this case:

TruthDig

JenaSix.Org

Washington Post

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This is our worst nightmare…

Watch it (it is long), take it or leave it…. but I think we all know what is coming over that horizon. We were warned before and didn’t listen. We need to wake up and listen and take action.

follow this link: America: Freedom to Fascism

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When is a survey not a survey?

When it asks you to sign up for shit that takes money out of your pocket.

All over the internet  I see these websites saying,”Get Paid to Take Surveys.” It all seems so jolly!  Companies will pay you to give your opinion or thoughts on a product or learn more about consumer spending habits. At the mall you can get $5 for participating in a survey or focus group. How awesome would it be to do that from your home!!??!!

Well kill the awesome people. I will guarantee that 95% of those survey sites are not surveys at all. They are more along the lines of those “Get A Free Ipod Nano” pages: the survey is you saying yes or no to a list of offers ranging from insurance to online movie rentals. But you have to say yes to X amount of offers or you don’t get paid. Or you sign up for a survey site where they send you “paid” emails. All you have to do is read them, right? WRONG! You click the link and sign up for whatever service that is probably free the first 2 weeks but then you have to call and cancel. If you don’t cancel, the service costs $29.95 a month…but you only got paid $15 to fill out the survey….that makes no sense.

My point is that these surveys are not surveys they are operations built to get more money into the pockets of businesses by convincing you  to buy their product.

For those 5% or surveys that are surveys, I don’t count because I don’t fit the demographic they care about selling to: single, white, male, ages 18-34.

That, my friends, is some bullshit!

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On White Light, Black Rain

As I watched ” White Light, Black Rain” on HBO last night I became heart-broken, sickened.
I am really left without words, but everyone needs to see this film.
I am talking middle school, high school, and college.
Too many innocent lives were affected. What those people went through was more terrifying than any horror movie.

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Where to begin…

I have a lot I want to cover.

Right now I am watching “White Light, Black Rain” on HBO.

I will not support a candidate who even hints at a nuclear solution. To any situation, hypothetical or not. Completely unacceptable. I will write more on this later.

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